Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Fight jelly bean standardization

Our blessedly civil PM on full display to the world today:
The Prime Minister recounted the tale of one candy maker who told the leaders he had to keep two separate inventories of jelly beans because the rules governing their content are different in Canada and the United States.

“Is the sovereignty of Canada going to fall apart if we standardize the jelly bean?” asked Mr. Harper. “I don't think so.”
Now that's a f*%#ing good question. I'd never quite thought of our sovereignty in such terms.

And I think the protesters would say...um, yes, the sovereignty of Canada is going to fall apart if we standardize the jelly bean, Mini Bush. You see, you've most brilliantly figured out the basis of the opposition to the Montebello summit. Jelly bean standardization is why all the protesters were there, as you quite cleverly have uncovered. They were concerned about the standardization of the jelly bean and the implications such standardization would have for Canada. For example, would our delicate palates be able to withstand the spicy Mexican jelly beans? Would the standards be debated in our halls of power? Would roads be built to transport the jelly beans? Yes, you put your finger right on it. It was all about the jelly beans.

But now that you've reassured us, as you put jelly bean standardization in such properly proportioned perspective in terms of a question of our sovereignty, we surely have nothing to worry about. The foreign standards on jelly beans pose no dangers to the Canadian jelly bean eating public.

Boy oh boy, I bet those protesters feel silly now.