Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Harper's big day in India: translated

Allow me to translate this report on yesterday's "Poli-wood" events as presented by Indian media above:

Anchor dude...Stephen Harper...Akshay Kumar...Olympic Torch. That's about all you need to know.
(Music swells)
Harper passes torch to Kumar, can't believe his incredible good fortune to actually be hanging with a cool guy. Starstruck. Loving sideways glance. Thinks to himself: I am sooo going to rock the Indian vote, just look at this scene!
Cut to priceless shot of Conservative MP Patrick Brown with a look that one can only describe as jealousy at the new guy hanging with the boss and how did I get stuck here at this dud of a table.
Harper does a nod to recent terror event.
Back to hanging with the cool guy. Checking out Olympic threads.
More jealousy, bewilderment at Patrick Brown's table that the cool guy & Harper are checking out Olympic threads.
Cool guy cites Mahatma Gandhi, relates it to torch.
Harper plus cool guy torch footage repeats, the two will live happily ever after. Or at least in Conservative campaign commercials coming soon to an election near you.
Junior reporter sums up. I think he says something about how Harper just couldn't hold a candle to Akshay Kumar's superstardom and was silly to even try. Trust me, I'm fluent.